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How can we use flowers to further connect with nature and with the world? My mom once photocopied an entire flower dictionary for me from the thick pages of The Language of Flowers. I loved that she did it, but then I never really used it because it was too dense and there were a lot of meanings nobody says out loud anymore. But then I’ve thought deeply about it. I've grown dahlias my whole life. I have four hibiscus in my front lawn now. What if those choices were saying something? So I sat down with Mary Kelava, a former florist and author of A Bouquet of Words, to finally learn the language of flowers as a gardener. Come learn with me!

 

In this episode, we learn:

• [01:27] Meet Mary Kelava!
• [02:12] How she became a florist and a flower language expert
• [03:41] Two types of flower books you’re bound to read!
• [06:08] My mom’s photocopied dictionary part of ‘The Language of Flowers’
• [07:41] Where does the language of flowers come from?
• [10:21] How did the Victorian era understand the language of flowers?
• [11:38] What the flowers you're drawn to might be telling you (what does the dahlia mean?)
• [12:46] Why color, personal memory, and fragrance matter as much as the meaning
• [15:03] Set your flower garden up for success with soil, compost, and fertilizer from Espoma Organic!
• [16:54] Grow herbs, tomatoes, and tropicals year-round with Leslie Halleck's new book, Home Greenhouse Revival!
• [18:30] Kate Middleton's wedding bouquet, Queen Elizabeth's funeral flowers, and a Lego hibiscus
• [20:16] Do flower colors carry meanings of their own, or is it just color psychology?
• [21:46] What zinnias mean, and how to handle flowers bred in every color
• [22:58] What the research for her book ‘A Bouquet of Words’ looked like
• [23:57] Do flower meanings hold up across cultures?
• [25:35] How to start learning the language of flowers easily
• [27:02] How to build a themed garden with meaning using easy-to-grow flowers
• [28:29] Planning a flower memorial garden for a pet
• [30:28] Why starting with what you already grow makes the meanings stick
• [31:01] How to write notes that go with the bouquet
• [32:29] Bringing this to the florist (or to the $6.99 Trader Joe's flowers)
• [34:46] Bouquet recipes for housewarmings, Christmas, and new babies
• [36:26] What are some birth month and zodiac flowers?
• [37:02] Get well flowers, and giving hydrangea to someone who's persevered
• [37:50] Why Mary assigns a signature flower to her closest friends
• [38:34] What flowers to give someone in grief?
• [40:49] Where to find Mary and A Bouquet of Words!

 

Order my book!

Growing Joy: The Plant Lover's Guide to Cultivating Happiness (and Plants) by Maria Failla, Illustrated by Samantha Leung

 

 

What Is the Language of Flowers?

It’s simply the practice of assigning a specific meaning to a specific flower, so that a bouquet actually says something.

Floral symbolism goes back to ancient Egypt and Greece. But the Victorians turned it into a code, because they weren't allowed to be openly expressive. Men sent bouquets, and women decoded them using floral dictionaries.

As time went by, the communication didn’t work out anymore because the dictionaries contradicted each other!

Mary's example is the sunflower. It can mean adoration, because of the way it tilts its face toward the sun. It can also mean haughtiness, because it looks like it's turning its nose up at everyone below it.

So a woman receives sunflowers and has to guess… “I adore you,” or “I think you're a snob”?

Note: Mary only uses positive meanings in her book, and every single one had to appear in at least three separate sources.

 

 

Flower Meanings for the Flowers You Already Grow

• Dahlia: dignity and elegance
• Zinnia: thoughts of absent friends
• Cosmos: harmony
• Snapdragon: graciousness and strength
• Daffodil: new beginnings
• Snowdrop: hope
• Lavender: devotion
• Hydrangea: perseverance
• Sweet pea: thank you for a lovely time
• Pansy: thinking of you
• Alstroemeria: friendship

Color usually doesn't change the meaning. Only a few flowers have color-specific meanings, like roses, carnations, and tulips.

Red rose is love. White is eternal love. Pink is perfect happiness. Yellow is friendship.

Everything else falls back on plain color psychology. Zinnias come in every color imaginable now, so the meaning holds steady and the color just sets the mood.

 

 

Start With What's Already in Your Beds

Don't try to learn three hundred flowers because I bet you'll quit by Tuesday.

Look instead at what you've grown every single year for the last six years and learn those meanings first.

They stick to you because the association is already personal.

If you're newer to this, Mary suggests starting with the easiest cut flowers like cosmos for harmony or snapdragons for graciousness and strength.

You can also build a whole garden around a theme. One flower for each person in your family. Or a relaxation garden in soft colors, with pink tulips for caring.

 

 

How to Plant a Memorial Garden

I just lost a pet. He's buried in our backyard, and we're building him a garden.

He was a yellow bird, so everything's going to be yellow. Yellow zinnias for thoughts of absent friends. Rosemary for remembrance. Probably a yellow dahlia, because he was a regal boy.

Mary's other picks:

• Poppies: remembrance
• White rosebush: eternal love
• Baby's breath: everlasting love
• Pansies: thinking of you

It works the same for people. A friend just lost their mom, so I'd pair the remembrance flowers with a pink carnation for a mother's love.

 

 

Two Bouquets You Can Build This Week

Housewarming:

• Ranunculus: radiant charm
• Yellow roses: joy
• Fern: shelter

New baby:

• Anemone: anticipation
• Daisies: innocence
• Eucalyptus: protection
• Pink carnation: a mother's love

Note: Every month has a birth flower. June is the rose, May is lily of the valley. Slip one in and the whole thing lands differently.

 

 

Always Write the Note

Back when Mary was a florist, she was building bouquets by meaning and never telling her customers. She says she'd do it completely differently today.

Because the meaning does nothing if nobody knows it's in there!

So list your flowers and what they mean. Then write one real sentence. For that housewarming bouquet, for example: “May your warmth and beauty fill your new home and bring you an abundance of joy.”

Mary’s words for it are: give more than flowers, give a memory.

 

 

Your Garden Is Already Talking

I'm planting my Florida garden with all of this in mind now. There's dried lavender going in the nursery too, for devotion.

Mary's book, A Bouquet of Words, is the resource I wish I'd had when my mom handed me those photocopies. It's small enough to carry to the florist with you!

 

 

 

Mentioned in our conversation:

• A Bouquet of Words by Mary Kelava
• Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh
• Episode 339: How to Grow Sweet Peas, The World's Most Nostalgic Flower with Marryn Mathis

 

 

 

Thank you to our episode sponsors:

Espoma Organic

Set your flower garden up for success with organic soil, fertilizers, and compost from Espoma Organic! Espoma Organic is dedicated to making safe indoor and outdoor gardening products for people, pets, and the planet. They have an amazing variety of high-quality, organic potting mixes, garden soil, fertilizers, and pest control products that are organic and eco-friendly. To top it all off, they have a huge sustainability commitment with a 100% solar-powered plant, zero waste manufacturing, and eco-friendly packaging.

Visit espoma.com to find your local Espoma dealer or check my Amazon storefront.

Quarto: Home Greenhouse Revival by Leslie F. Halleck

Have you ever wished you could harvest fresh herbs in the middle of winter, grow tropical plants year-round, or keep your vegetable garden thriving long after the first frost? Home Greenhouse Revival by horticulturist Leslie Halleck is a practical guide that walks you through choosing the right greenhouse, creating the ideal growing environment, automating watering and climate control, and successfully growing everything from vegetables and herbs to orchids, citrus, and houseplants. Whether you're buying your first greenhouse or making the most of the one you already have, this book will help set you up for success.

Home Greenhouse Revival is available for pre-order now at quarto.com and launches in September. Pre-order your copy wherever books are sold or through your local bookstore.

 

 

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